remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
