I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
