life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize