TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
