If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
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