dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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