I wanna passion pit in your ass
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
