when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
