Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
