Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
