Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
