Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
