I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
