You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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