I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize