I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Panties = found
Randomize
