i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
