you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
