My entire life is one complicated drinking game
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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