I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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