I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
