Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
