Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A+ Viking dick
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
