if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
