I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
