Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
