My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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