To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
