She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
