just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
