Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
