just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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