I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
