I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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