I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have fence marks all over my body
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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