You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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