I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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