just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
