The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
