Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
