weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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