As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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