it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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