4 words: hood of his car
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
