I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
