This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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