It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
