I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
