I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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