Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
