mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
