I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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