dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
