I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't turn off my feet"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
