Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
