i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
