We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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