did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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