i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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