Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
