Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
