I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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