yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
