Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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