My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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