I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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