Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need water and some morals
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
