he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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