just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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