Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
