I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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