GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
