Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
