he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
