we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
