white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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