i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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